On the occasion of recently filing a doctoral dissertation

There are two primary steps to officially filing one's doctoral dissertation at UCLA:

1. Bring the following documents to Murphy Hall, Graduate Division, Room 1225: The doctoral dissertation approval form, with the title matching the dissertation title exactly; this form shall include the name of the committee chair, spelled exactly as it appears in the dissertation. The candidate's name, too, includes in the precise form in which it appears on the University Records System Access (URSA) computer system. Along with this, bring a title page of the dissertation, the dissertation approval page (not to be confused with form), which is page iii of the dissertation. The names of candidate and committee members must match exactly with those on the final oral defense approval form, which, by the way, should have been sent to Murphy by the graduate department in which you completed your doctoral work, upon passage of the final defense. However, if filing close to the same day as defending, this form may be brought by the candidate. Also, bring printed-out verification that one has completed the Doctoral Exit Survey (through UCLA) as well as the Survey of Earned Doctorates (through an outside organization), both online.

2. Once these documents are approved at Murphy Hall, proceed to the Young Research Library, Thesis and Dissertations Office (on the second floor of the library), and bring the following: 1) two (2) manila envelopes, each containing a full copy of the dissertation, with the approval page (iii) being a copy of the original, which was submitted above to the Graduate Division in Murphy Hall. Each envelope should have a copy of the title page taped to the outside; 2) one (1) manila envelope (title page taped to the outside as well), containing copyright forms for ProQuest (must be signed), a copy of the title page, a copy of the abstract page (remember, the title on the abstract page must match exactly the title on the title page, which should in turn match all forms; they will most certainly verify this).

On Thursday, June 2nd, I completed the above two tasks, successfully, at which point I gave the UCLA Registrar's office the fully-signed Doctoral Dissertation Approval Form, which they took from me; ten minutes later, they returned to me a new form, this one stating, "Let it be known," that I had completed all the necessary requirements for becoming a Doctor of Philosophy in Molecular, Cellular, and Integrative Physiology.

"Congratulations, you're all done."

That was it, the form was in my hand; at that moment, I stood alone in Murphy Hall, finally having earned my Ph.D.

How fitting, that the actual moment included no fanfare, no one next to me, in front of me, or behind me. It just, sort of, happened.

And with that, I returned to the lab and began to pack up my desk. The end of one stage; the beginning of another. One cliché after another...

I also know this all sounds sort of melodramatic: "Ooooo, loooooook, a Ph.D.; what does it mean? How does it feel? What a moment. What a moment? Too self-aggrandizing? Too self-congratulatory? But what's in a moment anyway? And it's not like I'm any different than I was yesterday. But I kind of am. Am I really satisfied, or is it just because I should be? Do I really feel like I deserve it? etc etc etc."

But I digress in trying to present a few of my many internal dialogs of the past few days. In truth, I think, the main thing is I am relieved to be done, and I am perplexed: I am, in fact, as happy as I thought I would be, being done with my Ph.D. Not any more, not any less -- just as exactly content as I envisioned. Strange, because it seems that throughout my life, I usually over-expect or under-expect; I over- or under-speculate. Not this time. I am simply content.

Over the weekend, I signed a single email with the suffix, "Ph.D." By the time the "Undo" option on gmail had disappeared, I wished I could have not done it. It seemed really toolish. I'm not sure what this little personal anecdote means, but I guess it suggests I won't be signing emails to my like that friends anymore. Just once. It was more than enough; in fact, too much.

I guess my final point here is that the occasion of finishing one's doctoral dissertation is no different than any other "milestone" - like graduating from high school, undergrad, medical school, whatever - but there's an added sentiment in the case of a Ph.D: relief, and an acknowledgment of good fortune. Doing a doctoral degree requires research that is ostensibly successful, and I came to see how, at many steps along the way, I was just plain lucky. Things worked -- experiments yielded interpretable results, new insights were made, and stories primed and ready and successfully submitted for publication. Yes, I worked my ass off, but I was lucky. I also had great teachers, great collaborators, endlessly patient family and friends, and an institutional framework that supported what I was trying to accomplish. The United States Taxpayer supported me through my fellowship funding. I am blessed, through and through. Now I am eager to peel away to the next layer. Medical school, its years three and four, awaits, and I am stoked beyond belief about going back to thinking about medicine full time. It's been three challenging years, and now, onward.

It's been a great ride. I'm at the "right" place. Thanks for the fun, y'all. Let's keep it going.